my heart lightens a bit.

new years promises are broken, some are achieved, others are forgotten.

OMG. i made it. to 11 months with no guy~!. til 11.04.09
grr him >;3 he's lucky i didn't stick to it.
LOLs i made a promise last new years to not be in a relationship.
it lasted, and it was fun.

haha i got my hat, passed down through my sister.
my mom said.
"kaya' orang cina"
=;= MOM, yo so evil. :D

i need to finish up my christmas shopping.
i'm going to give it to you girlies late :[

i'm a hypocrite.

i love romantic books, and yet, i don't want it to be done with me.
i'm a hopeless romantic who has fears and worries constantly.
the last song, by nicholas sparks. it's like any other book.

i feel like a little girl.
i try not to ask for a lot.
i wish so many different things.

today on the train ride home,
a friend goes, "you never tell us what you truly want. what do you want?"
though she meant it due to christmas coming,
that's how i am.

i don't want to be bothersome.
people say it isn't.
some people deny the fact that it's a burden.

it's always hard to believe them.

fact: i stop myself.
no matter how hard others tell me i shouldn't
i comfort them and let them in for a limited amount of time.
then, i'm shut.

i want to feel like i'm loved.
all those romantic books i've read,
they are my fantasies, dreams.
but a dream can only go so far.

overthink

the one fatal flaw about myself once i get into relationships,

i go to deep, and i don't control it.
i panic so much, and i over think everything.
i want to go to the way things were before.
one reason why i dislike relationships, i depend so much.

he hides himself. he slowly comes and tells me.
i like the fact that he is there.
every day, to see him.
i'm truly grateful that i am with him.
would any girl be different?

his friends tell me to not cheat on him.
but is he with me?
:/ again, a fatal flaw.

i need some time to think.
i need to just realize, this is what i have now, and just go with it.
i'm happy. i get sad. i miss him.
only guys that ever found out so much about me. :0

he's unique.
at the end, i get to say, babe, your everything to me<3

ahh. i hate being all mushy. so unlike me!. xP
hehe ^^]

xmas.

hmm. what do i want?
such irony since i don't even celebrate it.

- those organizers for your papers that cost $11.50 from muji.
- those huge white rose clips that look really nice in your hair x]

i don't really know.
- a hat
- mittens?
- bracelets.! (leather ones, ones that say quotes.)
- domo doll?

CHECK THESE WEBSITES :

http://www.names-in-chinese.com/images/leather-bracelet.jpg
http://www.peaceplease.com/images/dejewelry_bracelet.jpg
http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog_name=FOREVER21&category_name=acc_rings_pins&product_id=1072186991&Page=1

http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/onlineProductDisplay.vs?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=EG-232466&cgname=OSMKPLIPZZZ&rfnbr=2533
^ I WANT THAT!. LOLs x]
yeah. i'm blank x]
but thats it! :D

saturday night.

ohYEA :D had my fun on saturday night.
so indonesian cousins, done.
next, high school asian family. :]

one month.

wow. it hit the mark just yesterday.
shocked. so far everything is going good. in a way.
i'm putting school before everyone else.
he's doing his work.
and. my friends? we are busy, it's been long since we caught up.
but. i don't know. i'm thinking of chilling during break with my friends.
than rather celebrate my birthday tomorrow.
so much postponements.
just like the transcendentalist - just do what nature does best; do what you want to do at the moment, that's what the animals do, but humans? we just say later, because it's a human flaw.
we don't live the moment? or we rather plan it.
hmm. got me pondering.

the fea market. omg. so cute. he saw me blush red.
he went ballisticlly cute. can i say that.?
ballistically, is that even a word?
well. the flea market. it comes around every december. in 14th & columbus. i am planning to get mittens there.
i want them so BADLY. but they are EXPENSIVE :[
grrr. i love winter. best season ever.

what i want from XMAS?
i'll find outs soon.
i don't even celebrate xmas.
scary :/

next year i'm planning to give people birthday gifts rather than xmas gifts.
recession :[
OMGOMGOMG. i know what to get trista!. i saw it today. so cute. i know she would like it. hehe. i'm going to get it for her<3
now to look for something amy and connie would like. hmm


it snowed today. i was so happy. cold and the huge snowflakes.
myhair wet and cold, shivering with no scarf and to lazy to get my hat.