old routines.

i'm slowly thinking like i used to..
my face is always hidden.
i want to say it, but i can't.
it hurts my heart, this gaping pain.
i know the facial reaction once it's been said.
i wish to hold it forever,
but the strings are loose.
it's been a constant bother.
i need someone to just hold me.
shake it out of me.
why now? i wish it was spring, where it was sunny.
and riverside could just let me ponder my thoughts
as the wind breezes.

i hate this feeling. i knew not to grow so close
or else, the effect would be worse.
and it happens now.

i'll manage.
like always.