new year new changes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmdeKzLlS8w

a new hair cut! ;D
i want to cut my hair short.
like RAINA~
but, my face. is unlike theirs -.-
URGH. T-T got any haircuts that i would like?

HELP ME. anything with layers, and the shortest is.
hm~ my chin. xP

thnksyou :)

who am i?

i'm indonesian. small. hyper.
i'm happy go lucky. i'm cranky i'm weird. i'm perverted.
i've been raised in a strict household, manners are said, smiles are shown.
i dislike soda - only ginger ale, arizona, and nestea.
i adore food- home cooked meals, not fast food.
i'm a girl who likes to do so much, yet has so little time, i put others before myself which is extremely horrible.
a vegetable lover : adore my romain lettuce, and broccoli.
fruits : bananas & pears.
i try hard to be optimistic, it seems to fool everyone.
blunt, straightforward, shy, timid, heart warming, caring, loving.

i won't change this, change myself, unless influenced gradually over time. i have my boundaries, don't cross my limit.

this is who i am, not your toy whom you can change so quickly.
i'm a busy girl, with a busy schedule. it's not my fault, i have so much to succeed. once you complain, is it because you miss me? or you dislike it.

my independence is the only thing keeping me alive.

i miss.

my bakso buddy. sate padang biffle.

her name is maryam. she's the same age as me. was it a few years ago we became really close? ironic how we both were the middle neutral friends. and now we are close. she moved to indonesia, by force. her visa, wasn't renewed. i miss her so much. our monthly updates. despite the fact that she lived in queens, i would see her at certain times, and we would schedule it. our last friendly meeting was soo long ago. she had her problems and she would keep it to herself, and whenever she needed me, she would tell me. and i would go. because she's been there for me too. it's different, now that she's in the opposite side of the world. not sounding homo, but i miss her hugs, she hated them, and her voice. we just ended our conversation on facebook. tear tear. she missed my asian laughter. haha my laughter has a characteristic. still, its different. she's so innocent in so many ways, i look like the devil. xD but

i miss you, maryam ali. your my bestie & sister forever.
despite the fact that you eat satee padang & bakso without me, i am there in spirit.!

i'm sorry.

i'm crying right now. i truly messed up. i'm sorry. i don't know. i hate these words.

uni : i know your my sister. i know you did worst things than me. i need to re-fix myself. i need to get a better hold on myself. you taught me that you yourself should be a number one priority. you taught me that just because i have a boyfriend i shouldn't make him my world. i have my own needs, and my boyfriend is there to confide and support me.

mom: i need to make it up to you. i need to have your trust. i'm trying. hard, real hard. i said i would go home at 3 but you extended it until 5. your my everything mom. i never meant to hurt either you or uni or robert. i just don;t feel right. i need to learn to move from the past.

robert:

stupidity.

i am dumb. stupid. and this is unlike me. why am i like this?
i made plans, and ended up hurting myself twice & my family. i should stop.
i told myself it would stop, and it hasn't.
i'm angry. i'm having self-doubt.
i need to learn to balance it all ou :/
i need to earn my mom & sister's trust
o hana means family.
ironic, it was my number 1 priority. and now, i changed.

my brother kinda made me feel better. still i'm disappointed. sad. my sister bought the tickets, and we didn't see the movie. my brother paid for it. for god sake's my mom came to watch also, and i didn't go. because of my boyfriend. it's time i learn to schedule myself. and pay strict attention to it. no more distractions. i need to try harder.

all it takes is my heart. to decide what is important. to fix myself.

i'm going to take a few weeks. to go to the old me. i'll celebrate my birthday later. in order for me to have fun, i need to understand myself, and be the way i was before.

candles lit.

bowling@ chelsea piers?
ice skating @bryant park? rockerfeller? central park?
juniors @ 42nd (cheesecake?)
urm, dallas BBQ?
movies - new moon, 2012, the blind side.

girls: connie, trista, amy, eni, pranvera, perpie, roxanne, sharon
guys: raylin, umaid, aaron, dom, mario, jeff.. anymore?


urgh. stressful :/
i need to organize it soon.
pick one - sharon, trista, amy.
tell me when you guys are free.
i'm thinking of doing it on sunday.
or, next time xP

glad.

it's been exactly a weeek since i wrote in my blogg! :0

a lot has happened, but i was able to get ahold of myself.
well. kinda? i broke down a few weeks ago. :X
thats a lie. it's tiring, im sad. and. dislike it.
i'll manage are the words i repeat. to make it go worthwhile.

ohwells, anyways tuning to ne-yo.
jason walker, down is a pretty good song.

listening to r&b music. it's been long since i heard it.
soo loveyydoveyy & sad. not really my typee.
trying to stay on my A game. and manage everything.
i'm happygolucky, right now.
:D

that's all that matters. that one song, really, makes me satisfied.

me losing calories, haha. corny.

my loves.

uni&robert. my world :)
can't believe everything has gone by so rapidly.

tonight it was a full moon, oh so gorgeous.
i wished, that, everything was just as perfect as tonight.
it's always with me, a constant thought.

my brother is such a meanie, he called me saying he was lost.
i got soo scared. then realized.
he was on my mom's phonee >__<'
hehe. he's suchh a meanie<3 ilovemyshapoopie :)

my sister, we had an interesting talk.
ate dinner. conversed like how it was back then. miss those days.
where she would jump on my back and tickle my toess.
share secrets, laugh at jokes, stay up watching drama.
my uni, fatty, andd onlyy one i can trustt.

my current profile picture,
our laughter and smile shows.
that even with all of our problems,
we share our happiness together.
♥

electronic.

musiccc!. suchh nice beats.
i'm trying to differ. to do more :)
learn hip hop with the help of my kuya, geoffrey co. !
and to do well in school!

listen too: designer drugs & space cowboyyy! :D

DINNER PREP!<3